


All I Ever Wanted

by cylobaby27



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Depression, Family Feels, Gen, Post-Hunger, Post-TAZ, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 07:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12127632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cylobaby27/pseuds/cylobaby27
Summary: Angus comes to Taako because he's worried about the Director. Despite his lingering (and entirely justified thank-you-very-much) anger at Lucretia, Taako goes to check in on her. What he finds is not encouraging.Alternate title: Taako tries to bully Lucretia out of her suicidal plans and is surprisingly successful.





	All I Ever Wanted

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings at the end.

“Wait, wait,” Taako says, shaking his head. “You’re telling me you joined the soccer team an entire month ago, and you’re only just letting me know? I would have been coming to your games!”

 

“I mean, I didn’t think—Wait, would you really?” Angus asks. Angus is sitting on one of the oversized stools at Taako’s kitchen island, watching as Taako puts the finishing touches on dinner. He’s testing a new chicken recipe to celebrate the most recent success for the Taako brand, and he invited Angus and the other two Horny Boys over to try it with him. Merle missed the invitation and Magnus is busy in Raven’s Roost, but Angus had agreed immediately. Lup, Barry, and Krav are stuck in the Astral Plane for some sort of intense training, and Taako plans on waxing poetic later about the amazing meal they’re missing.

 

Taako shrugs. “I look the best in every room I go in, but can you imagine the fucking _killing_ I’d make among the other soccer moms and dads? Sports need some classing up, and I’m the elf for the job. No one would even pay attention to what was happening on the field.”

 

“I don’t think my teammates would appreciate that,” Angus says, but he looks pleased.

 

“What number is your jersey? I’ll make an outfit to match,” Taako says. He’ll have to let Lup know too. She takes any excuse to paint her face, and she would actually want to watch the sport. He grabs a spring of parsley to dice as garnish for the chicken. “Any other big news you need to share?”

 

“Actually, yes,” Angus says, and there’s a nervous energy in his voice that immediately puts Taako on edge. “I wanted to talk to you about the Director.”

 

“Oh?” Taako asks, deceptively friendly. “Just how is my traitorous ex-colleague doing?”

 

Angus takes a deep breath. “Not very good.”

 

“Fabulous,” Taako says, feeling a vicious smile spread over his lips.

 

“I knew you’d do this. I knew you’d be mean about it,” Angus says.

 

“You’ve heard me say worse,” Taako says. “I assume Lucretia has finally realized how empty her life is without me? I’d almost feel bad, except she took away everything I loved and knew for a whole decade. So, yeah, not much in the pity department.”

 

“I think this is serious,” Angus says. “Just let me explain. For me.”

 

Taako waves for him to continue.

 

“I’m worried about her. Really worried, I mean. Not just regular boy worry. I’m a detective, and I’ve been noticing some alarming patterns in her activities. I wouldn’t have brought this to you, but I didn’t know who else to tell. Magnus would care, but he’d probably overreact, rush in, and make everything worse. Merle might want to help, but he’s not…the best at being delicate in emotional situations.”

 

“And I am?” Taako asks skeptically.

 

“Merle’s still learning how to be a father. Mavis and Mookie are the most difficult he’s learned to handle, and I think this situation is beyond that. Lately, the Director has been more distant than ever. I’ve asked around, and she’s not sleeping or eating almost at all. She was bad enough during the Bureau of Balance days, but during the repairs she has gotten even worse.”

 

“She’s never been great at taking care of herself,” Taako says, repressing a moment of affection at memories of her falling asleep over dinner on the Starblaster.

 

“If it were that alone, I wouldn’t be so worried. She asked me to come visit last week, and she was acting strange. She told me that she wanted to teach me how to manage the books for the Bureau. She was acting like it was to help me learn something useful for school, but she kept asking these _questions_ and making these _comments_. Like she thought I _needed_ to know. So I did some poking around, asking Avi, Carey, Killian, and the other Bureau employees. She’s been training everyone on different parts of her job.”

 

“Delegation isn’t usually Lucretia’s jam, but that sounds like a good thing, right?” Taako asks.

 

“I don’t think it’s delegation,” Angus says. “She’s still doing all the work right now. I think—I mean, I don’t know. I don’t want to alarm anyone and betray her trust—”

 

“Just get to the point, my dude,” Taako says.

 

Angus takes a deep breath. “I think she’s setting us up so that the Bureau can function without her.”

 

“You think she’s going to…quit?” Taako says. “I mean, sure, she’s the Director, but the Bureau will survive without her. It might even be better off. Fewer secrets, for one.”

 

“You’re being deliberately obtuse.”

 

“For once, kid, I’m not,” Taako says. “Just spell it out for me.”

 

“I think Lucretia is considering committing suicide.”

 

Taako fumbles his knife mid-chop and nearly slices his own fingers. “You _what_? Geez, kid, that’s jumping to the grim-dark pretty quickly.”

 

“I’ve done research, and she’s exhibiting all of the signs,” Angus insists. “This is too big for me to handle on my own. I’ve never had to manage someone’s mental health. I don’t think she’d listen to me. I have a list of steps you should take to make sure—”

 

Taako holds up his hands. “You’re sure about this?”

 

Angus nods. “I can’t predict the future, so there’s a margin for error. But I’m worried. I don’t think she’d have gotten sloppy enough for me to notice what she was planning unless she was attempting to make a cry for help.”

 

“Or she’s distracted enough that she didn’t notice who she was talking to,” Taako says, but that’s somehow more concerning. The Lucretia he knows, the Lucretia who has been the Director this past decade, doesn’t make sloppy mistakes. There was no chance that Angus was able to hide his concern, and the fact that Lucretia didn’t notice and reassure him boded ill as well.

 

Did Taako really care what Lucretia did? They hadn’t spoken since they’d defeated the Hunger, and Taako had no plans to change that.

 

But Angus was worried, and was coming to Taako for help. Though they have this great student-teacher thing going on, Taako knows that Angus wouldn’t trust him with something like this if it weren’t urgent. Angus knows better than most the types of grudges Taako can hold. (He had been there during the Great Leon Incident, and had scolded Taako for his increasingly creative and vindictive punishments.) At this point, ignoring one of Angus’s few requests is just a dick move.

 

“Could you at least go talk to her?” Angus asks. “I want someone to check in on her this week.”

 

“You’ll owe me,” Taako warns him. “You’ll owe me a _huge_ favor, and I’ll collect at the worst possible time.”

 

“Well, you did steal my grandfather’s silverware set…”

 

“Nice try, punk, but we’re square on that one,” Taako says. “I’m a little proud of you for trying to pull that, though. I’ve taught you well.”

 

Angus grins back, but then his expression slips. “So you’ll go?”

 

“Yeah, sure, whatever. It’s not like I’m building a huge brand and magic school,” Taako says. “I’ll go at some point. Now, come on. The chicken’s ready and I am _starving_.”

 

#

 

When Taako goes up to the moon base two days later, he’s already pissed off.

 

He woke up in Kravitz’s arms this morning, but his boyfriend had to run off to the Astral Plane before they’d managed to share more than a few kisses. There are a million things to do to make sure that his new school for magic is ready for students next semester, and the moon isn’t exactly a quick trip. He’s supposed to meet Lup and Barry for a double-date tonight to make up for the reapers missing his mini-celebration with Angus the other day, and he refuses to miss it.

 

Angus must be wrong about Lucretia. The kid is prone to anxiety, and now that he’s acing his classes and the world isn’t ending, he’s looking for mysteries to latch onto. Lucretia is distant because she feels guilty—as she damn well should. It’s no cause for alarm, and she’s going to need to apologize profusely for worrying Angus so badly.

 

(Part of him, though, thinks back on certain cycles during their fifth decade of running from the Hunger. Lucretia had been killed early in the year for five cycles in a row, even on relatively non-threatening planets. The crew had never managed to prove anything definitively, but Taako and Lup had quietly suspected that the deaths hadn’t been accidental. It had seemed too much like opting out, like Lucretia had been too overwhelmed and exhausted to live the years. She wasn’t the only one who had taken the easy route like that, but she was the only one who had done it so many times in a row. Then, the whole crew had been taken out early on the judges’ planet, and Lucretia had needed to survive for all of them. After that, the issue hadn’t come up again.)   

 

He still has his Bureau bracer attached to his arm, so after fiddling around the house for a few hours to delay the inevitable, he summons a sphere and goes to the moon base.

 

Avi greets him in the hangar, clearly delighted to see him. “Taako! I didn’t know you were coming up today!”

 

“Just doing some quick business,” Taako says. When Avi comes forward for a hug, Taako sidesteps him neatly. “Do you know where the Director is?”

 

“Probably in her office,” Avi says. “She spends almost all her time there.”

 

“Thanks,” Taako says, and starts to walk away. Then he hesitates and looks back. “Have _you_ noticed anything off about her lately?”

  

“With the Director? Not really,” Avi says, shrugging. “Actually, there was something yesterday. She said that if I really wanted, we could lift the ‘no dogs on the moon’ ban. Pretty great, huh? I’ll have to get Magnus to help me train one, but can you believe she finally backed off on that? I assumed that she really hated animals.”

 

“She’s allergic to dogs,” Taako says absently, considering that new information. “Thanks, Avi. I’ll see you around.”

 

He walks to the Director’s office and strides in without knocking. It requires burning a spell slot to get past her security system—updated now that the world knows about the moon base—but the effect is dope enough that it’s worth it.

 

Lucretia is sitting at her desk with her head in her hands, but she looks up when he enters. Her expression goes through a complicated string of emotions: affection, concern, worry, and then, finally, resignation. “Taako,” she greets. She looks exhausted. It’s still startling how much she aged in Wonderland, and the circles under her eyes are darker than he’s ever seen them before. Though the Bureau is in the middle of rebranding, she’s still wearing her usual blue and white robes.

 

“’Sup, Madame Director,” Taako says, leaning heavily enough into the name to make it clear he’s mocking her.

 

“You don’t have to call me that anymore,” she tells him. She rubs her temples, and then says, “Would you like to sit down?”

 

He doesn’t, but he can’t pass up the opportunity for some showmanship. He drapes in the chair in front of her desk and then props his boots on her desk. She tries to tug a stack of paper from under one heel, but gives up when he refuses to budge. “I guess considering that I thought you’d fire a magic missile on sight, this is actually the better option.”

 

“Magic missile is so Level One,” Taako says, waving a hand dismissively. “But I’m not here to attack you.”

 

“Then how can I help you?” she asks. Despite all their history, she’s clearly holding on tightly to the barrier of professionalism, but all it does is make Taako angrier. She shouldn’t get to dissociate from their past, from what she did to all of them. It shouldn’t be so easy for her to step back from the gross emotions Taako has to deal with.

 

“I’m just checking in on you,” Taako says. His teeth are gritted, but all of his practice at mimicking voices helps him still sound natural. “Soooo?”

 

“So what, Taako?”

 

“So how are you…doing?”

 

“I’m fine,” the Director says.

 

“Right, but like, how are you _doing_?”

 

She sighs. “Why are you here? I do have work to do.”

 

“Okay, fine,” Taako says, abandoning his attempts at subtlety. “Ango thinks you’re going to off yourself, and he wanted me to see if he was right.”

 

The Director opens her mouth, and then closes it again. “I…” she starts, and then falters. “I never intended to worry Angus,” she says finally. “I didn’t realize he would care quite that much.”

 

“Well, he—Wait, are you admitting he’s right?”

 

She rubs at her forehead again. “Angus McDonald is nearly always right. That’s why he made such an admirable Seeker. You won’t want to hear this from me, but I’m relieved to hear the two of you have remained so close even after the dissolution of the Bureau of Balance. It sounds as though he may need more emotional support and distraction than I’d expected. You’re a good influence on him.”

 

“I’m sorry, can we go back to the part where you’re planning on killing yourself? You’re burying the lede here.”

 

“You came up here on Angus’s behest,” Lucretia reminds him. “I assumed he was what you wanted to talk about. The other part—Well, there’s no need to discuss it, is there?”

 

“There damn well is,” Taako snarls. “You do remember that we’re not on the Starblaster anymore, right? That if you off yourself, that’s it forever? Game over?”

 

“That is the entire point,” Lucretia says. “I honestly didn’t expect this reaction from you. I wouldn’t have been so candid if I thought you would be upset.” She paused. “You also, admittedly, surprised the answer from me.”

 

“You didn’t think I’d be upset?”

 

“Taako,” she says, frustrated. “Don’t play dense. Of everyone I know, I thought you’d be the one who would understand this the easiest path forward. I thought you would agree.”

 

“Explain for me, will you?” Taako’s voice is light and friendly, and it shows how distracted Lucretia is that that doesn’t immediately trigger alarm. “Pretend I really am the simple idiot wizard you turned me into.”

 

“That’s exactly it,” she says. “I ruined your life—everyone’s lives. I did all of that for my single, last mission. I never expected to move on beyond that.” She shakes her head. “Even worse, I was wrong. That big mission? My one last action? We didn’t even do it the way I’d planned. I screwed up, Taako, and I almost doomed the entire multiverse. If Barry hadn’t gotten to you to undo my deception, we’d either be cut off from all of our bonds and dying slowly in this plane, or the Hunger would have devoured us. But it’s over now. My mistake has been corrected, even if I can’t fix everything that happened to you because of it. I’ve done enough here, don’t you think? It’s time for me to stop.” She looks up at him with wide, sad eyes, like she really expects him to agree.

 

“Are you done?”

 

“I am,” she says earnestly.

 

“I meant with your dumbass speech,” Taako says. When she falters, blinking, he continues, “I cannot believe—Okay, it looks like we’re doing this. Lucretia, you know what your problem is? You’ve always thought that you’re so goddamn smart that you didn’t need anyone’s help or advice. You’re always so stubbornly convinced that you’re right that you never stop and _think_.”

 

“I’ve thought this through, Taako,” she says, growing stiff now that she’s realized he’s not going to pat her on the head, give her a rusty knife, and stroll out whistling.

 

“Have you? Have you really?” he demands. “You didn’t even think what it might do to Ango, so I’m assuming you also didn’t think about what it’d do to _us_. To your _team_. To your _family_.”

 

“The IPRE team stopped being my family when I fed your lives to the voidfish,” Lucretia says.

 

“Bullshit,” Taako snaps. “You don’t get to just _stop_ being family. That’s not how it works. You don’t get to make this decision and leave us all behind when we only just all reunited.”

 

“Taako,” she says, a thread of helplessness in her voice. “Everyone hates me for what I did. Why are you pretending like that’s not true?”

 

“If you’re asking me if I’m pissed off that you left Lup stuck in a fucking umbrella for a decade, made me think that I’d been alone my whole life, took away Davenport’s entire sense of self, and made Barry wander the world alone, then yeah, ‘Cretia, I’m fucking pissed. That doesn’t mean I want you to die before I have the chance to make you pay for it.”

 

“You’re not making any sense.”

 

“You made a fucked-up decision back then! Magnus and Merle and probably even Lup are already over it, but I’m not. And if you fucking kill yourself now, I’ll never have the chance to _get_ over it. You don’t get to just take that character development away from me. And it’s not just me! You think Davenport wants to come back from his soul searching to find that you killed yourself when he wasn’t looking? You think Barry, who is functionally immortal, was planning on _never_ forgiving you? You’ve got to give us a goddamn chance. We’re certainly not going to forgive you more if you die. Maybe you were thinking there’d be some sort of guilt blank slate or something—”

 

“That’s not it at all,” Lucretia said. “I never expected your forgiveness. I didn’t… I didn’t think anyone would care enough for it to matter what I did. I don’t expect everyone to absolve me of my crimes once I’m gone. I expected you to all have the chance to finally move on.”

 

“Move on without you?”

 

“That’s what you’ve done so far,” Lucretia points out. “You’re overreacting to the concept, but please think about it. What in your life will change without me there? It’s one less person to remind you of the decade I left you to fend for yourself.”

 

“I’m never going to forget about those years,” Taako says, and Lucretia winces like he struck her. “I hold grudges like a motherfucker. Elephants and Taako, those are two things in this world that will always remember when you cross them. But, geez, ‘Cretia, you’re not even going to give me the room to deal with it? You thought I’d be happier if you killed yourself? What does that say about what you think of me? Did you think the same thing about Magnus and Merle and the rest, or was it just ol’ Taako you thought would dance on your grave?”

 

“Magnus and Merle have always been more sensitive…”

 

“They would be _devastated_ ,” Taako says.

 

“They’d get over it! You’ve all lived without me before.”

 

“What, are you planning on feeding a record of your life to a secret third voidfish?” Taako asks. “No? Then that’s different and you know it.”

 

“If only,” Lucretia says wistfully, and then turns ashen. “No. I mean, I wouldn’t do that to any of you again.”

 

“You wouldn’t do that to us, you mean. But if you could erase yourself from existence completely, you’d jump on it. Well, newsflash. You’re not alone, and your actions impact other people. Namely, me and the rest of our family.”  

 

“I just don’t want to hurt anyone anymore,” Lucretia tells him, shoulders slumped with exhaustion.

 

“Then you need to rethink your plans, bubbale,” Taako says.

 

She folds her arms tightly over her chest. “What if I mess up again? What if I make things worse?”

 

“You’re the most frustratingly stubborn woman I’ve ever met! The answer is easy. We’ll _work through it together_ ,” Taako says. “Let’s be real—We’re all going to make more mistakes. That’s what we do. People in general do, really, not just IPRE crew members, though we seem to make them more than the rest. I’m not saying everything is going to be sunshine and roses, or even that we’re all going to forgive you in a heartbeat, but you’ve got to stick around to find out.”

 

“I’m not sure I can,” Lucretia admits.

 

Taako latches onto her uncertainty. When he’d walked in, she’d been committed, but there was hesitation now. He could work with that. “One day at a time, pumpkin. This day’s for me, okay? I flew all the way up here, and it’d be really shitty for you to peace out now. Then tomorrow will also be for me, because I deserve at least that much.”

 

“And the day after that?”

 

“We’ll get to those as they come. You’ve spent so long regretting and hiding the past and fearing the future. Maybe it’s time for Madame Director to live in the now for a bit.” He claps his hands and stands up. “Step one is that you need to take a goddamn break. I’ve heard that you’ve been teaching everyone how to do your job, right? So let them _do_ it, and come planetside with me.”

 

“I shouldn’t just—”

 

“It’s so cute you thought that was a request,” Taako says, and holds out a hand expectantly. After a long moment, she stands up, moves around the desk, and takes his hand.

 

#

 

He refuses to let go of her hand until they’re planetside again in Neverwinter, and entering the restaurant. She goes along with him, clearly torn between affection and exasperation, until she sees who’s waiting at the table for them. She stops so suddenly that Taako nearly trips. “You didn’t tell me this was a group activity,” she hisses into his ear.

 

“I didn’t want to give you the chance to say no,” he says, and tugs her forward.

 

Since they all came from the Astral Plane together, Barry, Lup, and Kravitz are already all at the table. They’re chatting and looking over their menus, and don’t notice Taako and Lucretia until they’re right in front of the table.

 

Lup looks up with a grin that slides off her face when she sees Taako’s companion. Barry looks cold and worried, and puts a protective hand on the back of Lup’s chair. Kravitz, though he’s heard Taako ranting about Lucretia since he got his memories back, smiles in welcome. He follows Taako’s lead on this sort of thing, and it’s a relief that at least one person at the table is already on his side.

 

“Hey, nerds. Look who’s joining us for dinner?” he says. He grabs a chair from the empty table beside them and crams it into place at the table. He sits down next to Kravitz, dropping a quick kiss on his cheek, and then gestures to Lucretia to take the newly placed seat between him and Lup.

 

Cautiously, she sits.

 

Taako doesn’t let the silence linger. “How was work today, my friendly neighborhood reapers? Destroy any death cults today?”

 

“The job really isn’t as sexy as you think it is,” Kravitz tells him.

 

“Speak for yourself, Krav. I make everything look sexy,” Lup says. She turns to Lucretia. “We’ve had some necromancers ask for me specifically to take them in. After the story and song, I got a reputation, and everyone’s thirsty for some Lup manhandling.”

 

“You shouldn’t indulge them,” Kravitz says.

 

“You’re just jealous,” Lup says.

 

“As if my bone daddy has never had fans before,” Taako says with a sniff. “I was ready to suck his dick within seconds of seeing his handsome mug.”

 

“That’s because you’re a slut,” Lup says cheerfully.

 

Taako shrugs, accepting that, and nudges Lucretia. “What do you say to a bottle of red?” Fuck, should she be drinking? Would it loosen her up enough to chill her out, or just make her reckless enough to follow through with her plan?

 

Lucretia shrugs. “Whatever you’d like. I don’t want to intrude.”

 

“Yeah, because having someone to share some wine with is such a hardship,” Taako says, rolling his eyes. He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of cabernet.

 

“Just because you have the gold doesn’t mean you need to waste it,” Kravitz reminds him.

 

“It’s like you don’t know me at all,” Taako says, shaking his head.

 

“This is why people stopped comping our meals,” Lup points out. “For a few weeks there, people were falling over each other to have the IPRE crew grace their bar. Now, they know better than to offer.”

 

“I’m a media mogul, baby. I don’t need for people to comp my meals,” Taako says. “Besides, if I really wanted to, I could flirt my way out of a bill.”

 

“That’s always fun,” Lup says. “Krav, have we told you about the cycle where we had a competition to see who could get by the longest without having to pay for anything?”

 

“Who won?” Kravitz asks. He’s sipping his own white wine, one hand on the back of Taako’s chair.

 

“Merle, actually,” Taako says. “In our defense, that planet was made up of plant people, so he had the advantage.”

 

“Taako,” Barry says, finally speaking up. He’s still not smiling. “Are we going to talk about this?” In case there’s any doubt about what he’s talking about, he gestures to the silent Lucretia.

 

“I’m sorry, Barry,” Lucretia says, shoulders hunched. “I shouldn’t have come.”

 

“Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t have.”

 

“Ease up, babe. I’m the one of the two of us with the wrath issue,” Lup says.

 

“Lup, she—”

 

“Barold,” Taako interrupts. “Do you remember the planet with the vines everywhere?” Around five years after they’d picked up Fisher and Lup and Barry had confessed their feelings, the couple had a terrible screaming match. In the end, they’d gone more than two months without speaking. And of course, as luck would have it, Taako was the one stuck working with Barry during that cycle to find the Light while Lup was busy with the ship. It had been a tense journey, and Taako had been tempted nightly to kill Barry in his sleep for hurting his sister.

 

“What about it?” Barry asks. Lup, for the first time during the meal, is starting to look pissed. She obviously remembers the planet as well, and doesn’t like where she thinks Taako is going with the conversation.

 

“Remember how even when I wanted to curse your damn ears off for being a stupid prick, I still cooked dinner for both of us every night? And didn’t even do anything to the food except get a little heavy-handed with the salt?”

 

“What about it?”

 

“I could slave over a campfire to make sure you didn’t starve, I’m sure you can handle one hour of a fancy dinner with our family. Get over your bad mood and just enjoy the goddamn alcohol,” Taako says. The waitress comes back with the bottle of wine, and Taako’s ears perk up. “Speaking of! Pour me a very tall glass, madame.”

 

“Give me the same,” Lucretia tells the waitress quietly.

 

When the wine is poured, Lucretia takes a large, desperate gulp from her glass. Taako gives her a quick glance, just so she knows he’s watching, and then sips from his own. He’ll need to keep an eye on her, make sure she doesn’t overdo it with the wine until she has food on her stomach. He’s sure she hasn’t eaten yet today.

 

By the time he turns his attention back to Barry, he finds the lich looking between him and Lucretia thoughtfully. Finally, he says, “Do you know what you’re going to order, Lucretia?” There’s a stiffness in his voice, but his expression is softer.

 

“I don’t…” Lucretia says, but her voice trails off. She’s visibly overwhelmed.

 

“I recommend the salmon from here,” Lup tells her. “It’s bomb.”

 

“I’m partial to the filet with the red wine reduction,” Taako says. “Because if you’re going to splurge on a fancy dinner, you might as well eat fancy shit.”

 

“Salmon can be fancy,” Lup argues.

 

“Fish is never fancy. Fish is what you eat when you’re adventuring and you didn’t bring enough provisions. You know how many fish I’ve eaten off a hot rock? Too damn many.”

 

“I agree with Lup,” Lucretia says. Her voice is tentative, but she’s adopted a teasingly regal tone. “It’s all in the preparation.”

 

“Are you hearing this bullshit, Krav?” Taako asks. When Kravitz hesitates, he exclaims, “Not you, too! I thought you were classy.”

 

They continue to bicker good-naturedly as they eat. It takes Lucretia a full glass of wine to loosen up, at which point she’s able to look at them without flinching. Taako palms her glass and moves it across the table to make sure she doesn’t overdo it, chugging the last few sips from it as he goes. She gives him a steady look that says she knows what he’s doing, but doesn’t argue.

 

Even Barry loosens up over time. He keeps one hand securely around Lup’s shoulders, as though reassuring himself that she’s there, but he loops Lucretia in on an inside joke about their new career as reapers, and throws a piece of a roll at Taako’s head.

 

Lucretia is the last to finish her meal. At first, she picks at it as though she can’t quite remember what to do with food, but as the conversation continues, she starts to eat absently.

 

After the waitress clears their plates, she asks if they want dessert. She rattles off the list of options with impressive recall, and Taako assesses her again. If she has some magical abilities, she could be a good candidate for his school. He’ll deal with that later. “Get me the mousse, and bring a slice of cheesecake for my friend here,” he says, gesturing at Lucretia. “Anyone else want anything?”

 

“Taako, I can’t eat a whole slice of cheesecake by myself,” Lucretia argues.

 

“Not with that attitude, you can’t,” Taako replies cheerfully.

 

“Hook me up with a cheesecake slice too!” Lup calls. She nudges Lucretia. “Shall we make a wager? The first one to finish their whole slice wins!”

 

“That sounds like an excellent way to make yourself sick,” Lucretia says.

 

“That sounds like an excellent way to be a wimp,” Lup teases.

 

“Fine,” Lucretia says, a spark of competitiveness in her eyes. “May the best woman win.”

 

Lup is the winner, of course. Though she’s back in her physical body again, there’s enough lich magic inside of her to make her immune to most mortal woes, and that apparently includes over-fullness. Still, Lucretia makes an impressive dent in her own slice, and is laughing by the end.

 

Afterward, Lup and Barry say goodbye in front of the restaurant. Lup pulls Lucretia in for a quick hug, and Barry claps her shoulder once. “You should come to dinner again sometime,” Lup suggests. “There’s too much damn testosterone in this group.”

 

“Thank you, Lup,” Lucretia says.

 

Once Lup and Barry leave, Taako says, “All right. Let’s go back to my place. You’re both spending the night.”

 

“I need to get back to the moon base,” Lucretia says.

 

“Krav, can you give us a few minutes?” Taako asks.

 

Kravitz nods and steps away. He pulls his Stone of Farspeech up from the necklace it dangles on and places a call. Taako turns back to Lucretia. “We have a foldout couch, and I’ll make waffles in the morning. You love waffles, and we both know I make the best damn breakfast on the planet.”

 

“I appreciate everything, Taako, but I need to be up there in case of any emergencies.”

 

“Come on, Lucretia. You don’t need to spend the night alone. This is what you’ve been training them for. You don’t think Killian can handle one night of being de-facto leader of the Bureau?”

 

“Carey would be my first pick, actually. But Taako, that’s not the issue here. You’ll have to let me out of your sight eventually,” Lucretia says, cutting to the heart of the problem. Before he can argue, she presses the button to summon the sphere. Now that the Bureau is known by the whole world, they don’t have to wait and call it in secluded areas.

 

“Are you sure about that? Because I have a lot of plans to keep you distracted.”

 

“You can’t just bully me out of… doing what I was planning.”

 

“You’re wildly underestimating my bullying abilities,” Taako shoots back. “I’ve broken stronger men than you.” He shakes his head. “If you’re determined, you can go back to the base tonight, but you have to be there when I stop by to nag you more tomorrow.”

 

“And the next day?”

 

“Damn, Lucretia, I’m a busy man. I’m the CEO and Supreme Leader of the Taako franchise. But,” he says, “that doesn’t mean you should be getting any dumb ideas. Any day I’m too busy, I’ll send one of my minions to check on you. Merle and Magnus would love the excuse to go visit the moon base—especially since you’ve lifted the dog ban.”

 

Lucretia sighs. “You know I wasn’t planning on having to actually experience that.”

 

“No take-backs,” Taako says. “Besides, Magnus has already trained his new dog not to run off the edge of the moon, so that argument is out anyway.”

 

“I’m going to delegate the fuck out of this, and I’ll have you know I’ve gotten really good at that with this job. Being the leader is all about delegation—though that’s obviously not a skill you ever picked up. I’ll give you a free training sesh sometime.” He clears his throat. “Seriously, Lucretia. Promise me you’ll be there when I come by tomorrow.”

 

Lucretia is silent for a long moment, staring at him. Finally, she says, “I promise.”

 

“See? Was that so hard?” He gives her a quick kiss on the forehead. “Go on, then. I’ll see you tomorrow. Just remember that most people have to pay for the pleasure of my company, so definitely keep feeling grateful,” he says.

 

The sphere lands on the street behind them, and Lucretia walks toward it. “Thank you, Taako,” she adds over her shoulder. “For everything.”

 

“You know how to pay me back,” he tells her.

 

She nods and boards the sphere. He watches until it’s out of sight, and then keeps his eyes on the false moon.

 

Kravitz slides up beside him. He wraps an arm around Taako’s waist and pulls him close. “Hey, love. Do you want me to keep a spectral eye on our friend until she’s out of danger?”

 

“How could you tell?” Taako asks. “About ‘Cretia, I mean. Is there some reaper vision you’ve got that I don’t know about?”

 

“Nothing so supernatural,” Kravitz says. “I know you, and I’ve seen desperation before. It wasn’t hard to piece together. So? I can keep a watch on her from the Astral Plane until things settle.”

 

Taako shakes his head and leans into his side. “Thanks for the offer, but I don’t think we’ll need it. She’s got her family to get her through this. And we’re not going to let her fall.” He tugs on Kravitz’s lapels to pull him into a kiss. “I might be dragging her to more meals, though. I hope you don’t mind.”

 

“Your family is always welcome wherever I am,” Kravitz reminds him. “You’re a good person, Taako.”

 

“Wow, I treat you to a fancy dinner and this is how you repay me? With utter blasphemy? I’m a terrible person. It’s a key part of my branding. Come on, homie. To make it up to me, you’re going to take me home and blow my mind. Got it?”

 

“I can do that,” Kravitz says, leaning in for another quick kiss.

 

Before they go inside, Taako glances back up at the false moon one more time.

**Author's Note:**

> This is very similar to my other fic, a grace too powerful to name, but I wanted to explore this dynamic from Taako's POV.
> 
> Triggers: This fic addresses Lucretia's suicidal thoughts and plans pretty explicitly. Methods are not discussed, but she does explain her reasons for what she's planning. Taako talks her out of it with sheer force of annoying will, but the conversations may be triggering. 
> 
> If you or someone you love are in danger, please reach out for help. In the US, there's a hotline (1-800-273-8255), or look up resources in your area. You're important, and you deserve to see where life takes you.


End file.
